SPIRITUAL LIFE AND DAILY LIFE

Message Two
Spiritual Life—­­Couple

Scripture Reading:

Gen. 2:18        And Jehovah God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper as his counterpart.

1 Cor. 13:4-5     Love suffers long. Love is kind; it is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not puffed up; it does not behave unbecomingly and does not seek its own things; it is not provoked and does not take account of evil.

Eph. 5:24-25   But as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Eph. 5:31        For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.

Ministry Excerpts:

In his first Epistle, Peter said that the wives are “fellow heirs of the grace of life” (3:7). In other words, God delights to see husbands and wives serving Him together. God delighted to see Aquila and Prisca serving Him. He delighted to see Peter and his wife, Judah and his wife, serving Him together. Therefore, there are three basic elements of a Christian marriage. First, there is mutual help; second, there is the prevention of sin; and third, there is the joint inheritance of grace of two persons in the presence of God. One should not be a Christian alone but a Christian together with another person. One should not inherit grace alone but together with another person. (Messages for Building Up New Believers (2), msg. 30)

In Order for a Family to Go On Properly,
The Husband and the Wife Should Both Live Before the Lord

In order to settle family problems and to have a good family life, there is also the need of positive influence. In particular, families with children should set aside a time for prayer together, a time for waiting upon the Lord and for fellowshipping about spiritual matters. Both the wife and the husband should be open to judgment from God’s light concerning many matters. Neither the husband nor the wife should try to save his or her “face.” Both should be willing to come under the judgment of God’s light. There should be many spiritual transactions in the family. The members of the family should spend much time in prayer and spiritual fellowship together. This is especially true for families with children. They must seek opportunities to come more often to the Lord. In order for a family to go on properly, the husband and the wife should both live before the Lord. As soon as they do not live before the Lord, their family will have problems. (Messages for Building Up New Believers (2), msg. 32)

To Live in a Corporate Way, to Have Mutual Fellowship
and to Render Mutual Help

Here we see the place of marriage before God. God’s purpose is to have a husband and a wife, who will mutually help each other. Thus, He called Adam’s wife a help meet. Help meet in Hebrew means someone who is meet to help. Here we find that God wants man to live in a corporate way, to have mutual fellowship, and to render mutual help. This is God’s purpose. (Messages for Building Up New Believers (2), msg. 30)

Learning to Accommodate

What does it mean to accommodate? The meaning of accommodation is to meet someone halfway. We need to take note that it is something mutual. The best thing is for both sides to give in. If it is not possible for both sides to give in, at least one side must try to go halfway. Even if one sees many problems, he should still try to move away from his own position to the other party’s position. It is best to move over completely. But at least one should meet the other halfway. In other words, after two people are married, both must learn to change at least half of everything they do. It is best to change completely. But at least they should change half of what they do. Always go out of your way to meet the other party. To accommodate means to not insist on one’s own view and to be willing to drop one’s ideas. A person may have a certain view, but he compromises his view for the other’s sake. (Messages for Building Up New Believers (2), msg. 32)

One Also Must Exercise Politeness in the Family

One also must exercise politeness in the family. It is repugnant for anyone to be impolite to others. You should treat everyone politely, no matter who he or she may be. No matter how familiar you are with a friend, you should never give up your manners. As soon as you give them up, you will lose him. No matter how close you are to others, you will lose them the moment you give up your manners. In 1 Corinthians 13 Paul told us that love does not behave unbecomingly. Love does not allow anyone to give up his manners. Please remember that problems at home often arise because of small matters. It is often at home that a person behaves with unbecoming manners. Most people think that they can throw away their manners because their wife or husband is so familiar to them. Please remember that the joy and pleasure of human relationships have much to do with manners. As soon as you throw away proper manners, the ugly side of human nature will surface. No matter how familiar people are with one another, they must maintain proper manners between them. A brother put it aptly once when he said that manners are like the lubricating oil in a machine. The machine will run smoothly only with the lubricating oil. When two persons are together and manners are lacking, friction will arise and uncomfortable feelings will breed.

Learning to Speak Polite Words in the Family

Christians must remember that love does not behave unbecomingly. You must learn to say, “I am sorry,” “Thank you,” and “May I” at home. Learn to speak polite words in the family.

Being Proper in the Way You Dress Yourselves

Familiarity breeds disrespect and contempt. Husbands and wives are already very familiar with each other. If propriety is absent, more familiarity will breed. Therefore, be proper in the way you dress yourselves. Do not save your sloppy dress for wearing at home.

If a Husband and Wife are Polite to Each Other,
They Will at Least be able to Maintain a Peaceful Family

When a person is discreet at home, his family will have less problems. I have observed that when a husband and wife are polite to each other, there is more peace and less noise from the plates and chopsticks. Where manners are wanting and things are thrown around, the family is full of friction. If a husband and wife are polite to each other at home, they will at least be able to maintain a peaceful family.

Love Does Not Behave Unbecomingly
Even in One’s Tone of Voice

We must see that the family will not be peaceful as long as the tone of voice is wrong. Any tone of voice that is improper, strong, harsh, or proud must not be allowed in the family. Any tone of voice that is self-pitying, self-loving, or that gives the impression of a self-pronounced martyr must not be found in the family. If you speak in other places with the tone of voice that you use at home, you will ruin your career. Yet you allow such a tone of voice to remain in the family. It is no wonder that you are experiencing trouble at home. Therefore, we need to learn to be polite. Love does not behave unbecomingly, even in one’s tone of voice. Do not speak loosely. If one is careless with his tone of voice in the family, his family will not go on well.

Selfishness Being a Big Problem

We must see that selfishness is a big problem. We must learn to feel what the other person feels. We must learn to feel his pain, his joy, his dislikes, his problems, and his inclinations. A person cannot be a good husband or a good wife if he or she is subjective. Those who are subjective are selfish. In fact, self-love is the most subjective thing.

Learning to Close Their Eyes

When God puts two persons together as husband and wife, His intention is that there be submission and love between the two. He has no intention for them to discover each other’s faults or to correct each other. God has not made you a teacher or a master. None of the husbands are the teachers of their wives, and none of the wives are the masters of their husbands. No one needs to correct her husband, and no one needs to correct his wife. Whatever type of person you have married, you should expect them to continue in the same way. There is no need to look at the faults and weaknesses of others and try to change them. A motive of trying to change the other party is basically wrong. Those who are married must learn to close their eyes. Learn to love the other party. Do not try to help or correct them.

Learning to Appreciate Each Other’s Virtues

Once we are married, we have to learn to appreciate each other’s virtues. In a family we need to learn to close our eyes to each other’s faults and accommodate each other on the one hand, and we need to learn to appreciate each other’s virtues on the other hand. This means that when the other person does something good, we must be sensitive to it. If a husband does not know how to appreciate his wife or vice versa, he or she opens up a big gap in the family. This does not mean that the husband has to flatter the wife or that the wife has to do something special to please the husband. It means that both must learn to appreciate the other person’s virtues, goodness, and beauty.

The Way to Solve Family Disputes

What should we do when there are disputes between the husband and the wife? How do we solve family disputes? It is inevitable for husbands and wives to encounter problems and enter into arguments. However, since both are adults and are children of God, they must learn to know what the other person’s problem is, and where they differ. Before they can solve any disputes, they must know where the problem lies. (Messages for Building Up New Believers (2), msg. 32)

Any settlement needing to be fair; holding conferences between husbands and wives; the need for confession and forgiveness; consent of both parties in seeking help from the church; living together before the lord; allowing Christ to be the lord in everything; dealing with the differences between the husband and the wife. (Messages for Building Up New Believers (2), msg. 32; CWWN, set 2, vol. 38: General Messages (2), msg. 67)