Hymns 510
Scripture Reading:
Eph. 6:4 And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
AN ALL-INCLUSIVE COMMANDMENT—
WALKING ACCORDING TO SPIRIT
The commandment to walk according to spirit is all-inclusive. It includes what the Bible says about husbands loving their wives, about wives submitting to their husbands, about children honoring their parents, and about parents caring for their children. All the necessary virtues, such as humility, kindness, honesty, faithfulness, and love, are included in the walk according to the spirit. God does not want us to endeavor to be virtuous, loving or submissive. He only wants us to walk according to the spirit. Oh, it is crucial for us to see this!
It is vital that we learn to behave according to our spirit at home. A brother may be careful to be in spirit with the saints, but not with his children. Actually, we should be more exercised to be in spirit with our children than with the brothers and sisters. If in our daily life at home we are exercised to live, walk, and have our being according to the spirit, our living will be according to Christ, not according to the tradition of men or the elements of the world. If our daily walk is according to the spirit, we shall spontaneously know what to say and what to do. There will be no need for regulations or a code of behavior. The Spirit in our spirit will be our unique, living regulation. When we walk according to the divine Spirit mingled with our human spirit, we shall have our being according to Christ. Then not only shall we be in Christ, but we shall also be according to Christ. May the Lord grant us the grace to go on from simply being in Christ to living according to Christ. Praise the Lord that we are in Him. Now He is waiting for us to satisfy the desire of His heart by walking according to Him. (Life-study of Colossians, pp. 475-478)
THE PRINCIPLE OF PARENTING
Neither Too Strict nor Too Tolerant
There is a great need of forbearance in our family life. A good family life is the product of forbearance. If a husband and wife show forbearance toward each other and toward their children, they will have an excellent married life and family life. However, if they do not exercise forbearance, they will seriously damage their life together as a family.
In dealing with their children, parents should be neither too strict nor too tolerant. Both excessive strictness and excessive tolerance are damaging to children. Then what is the right way for parents to care for their children? The right way is the way which is full of forbearance.
Suppose a child does something wrong, and the matter is made known to his father. He should not rebuke his child in a hasty way or spank him in anger. In Ephesians 6 Paul tells us not to provoke our children. Usually parents provoke their children by dealing with them in anger. If you are angry with your child, you first need to ask the Lord to take away your anger. Once your anger has been dealt with by the Lord, you need to exercise your understanding to realize why the child made that particular mistake. No doubt, the child was wrong. Nevertheless, you still must understand his situation. Perhaps he was wrong because you were careless. If you had not been careless in that particular way, the child would not have made that mistake. Because your carelessness afforded him the opportunity to do something wrong, you should not put the full blame on him. Rather, first you must blame yourself and then discipline the child. All this is included in exercising forbearance toward our children.
The Need to Exercise Wisdom in Speaking to Their Children
Parents need to exercise wisdom in speaking to their children. A child may need correction, but the parents need to sense when is the right time to speak to him. A father should ask himself whether or not he should rebuke his child in front of other children or even in front of the mother. Sometimes it is not wise to discipline a child in the presence of others. How much wisdom we must exercise in caring for our children! If we do not have forbearance, we shall not exercise wisdom. On the other hand, if we do not have adequate wisdom, we shall not be able to exercise forbearance.
As an all-inclusive virtue, forbearance implies not only understanding, wisdom, and patience, but also mercy, kindness, love, and sympathy. The list of virtues is almost endless. As we have pointed out, the Greek word rendered forbearance implies considerateness. To be forbearing is to consider the situation of others. If we would exercise forbearance in our married life and family life, we would have a pleasant married life and an excellent family life. (Life-study of Philippians, pp. 508-509)
Nurturing Them in the Discipline and Admonition of the Lord
In verse 4 [of Ephesians chapter 6] Paul turns to the fathers: “And the fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.” Provoking to anger damages the children by stirring up their flesh. It is always destructive for parents to be angry with their children. For this reason, I counsel the parents not to lose their temper when dealing with their children. Not provoking the children’s anger requires the fathers’ anger to be dealt with by remaining under the cross. The only way we can keep from losing our temper is to stay on the cross. In dealing with your children’s wrongdoings or misbehavior, you must firstly go to the cross and stay there. Otherwise, you will lose your temper, and this loss of temper will provoke your children’s anger.
Instead of provoking the children to anger, the fathers are to nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. To nurture children means to bring them up, to raise them, by nourishing them. Raising children requires that the parents give them the needed instruction related to human life, family life, and social life. The word admonition here includes instruction. Paul was probably referring to the Old Testament requirement that parents instruct their children with the word of God (Deut. 6:7). This means that we are to teach our children with the Bible. Along with this instruction, we sometimes must discipline them, chastise them. It is crucial that parents learn to nurture the children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
As parents, we must do our duty with respect to our children. This means that we should not only teach them, but also set up an example for them to follow. Just as the Lord Jesus sanctified Himself for the sake of His disciples (John 17:19), so parents should sanctify themselves for the sake of their children. Those who do not have children may be free to do certain things, such as sleep late in the morning. But those with children do not have the liberty to do these things. For the sake of their children, they must be restricted. Children always imitate their parents. Therefore, it is the parents’ responsibility to set up a high standard and a proper pattern and example for their children to follow.
Depending Absolutely on God’s Mercy
However, no matter how good an example is set by the parents, how the children develop depends on God’s mercy. On the one hand, the parents must keep a high standard, but on the other hand, they need to trust in the Lord. Day by day we should tell Him, “Lord, these children are not mine; they are Your possession placed in my custody for a period of time. Lord, what I am doing with them is simply fulfilling my responsibility. How they will turn out, Lord, depends absolutely on your mercy.” (Life-study of Ephesians, pp. 520-522)
Further Reading: Life-study of Colossians, msg. 54; Life-study of Philippians, msg. 58; Life-study of Ephesians, msg. 62
